Chapter 9: Orlando

You've made it this far... Yes!!! Thank you all for being such amazing readers, my blog is bringing in people of all walks of life and that's the point of why I even started this blog...so with that said enjoy!!!

I am now a 20 year old mom and reality has smacked me right in the face! It's been years since I last had to wake up with a baby or do bottles, change diapers. I can just tell you all I wasn't ready but that didn't stop me in trying to be the best mom I could be for my son. I had trouble the first 2 weeks when we got home, I had gotten a c-section and the pain was unbearable but I took it like a champ and not once asked for help. My mom knew I was exhausted, Jeremiah was a colic baby and it was bad so she would come in my room in the morning and take over so I could rest even when I didn't ask for help. She knew I was making a statement, I wanted to show her that I could do it, I opened my legs and I could deal with the consequences. Edison in the first few weeks of Jeremiahs life he stuck around to help me, like take me to appointments or shopping or even to watch him so mom and I could have a girls day out. I was diagnosed with post partum depression which lasted about 3 to 4 months but I got over it quickly. I was irritable quickly during that faze but not once did my son frustrate me. I eventually moved on being a single mom and around the time Jeremiah turned 8 months, I wanted to party. I was hanging around with my guy friends nothing sexual til one day I met this guy named Orlando. It was great another guy friend to speak to that spoke English, and we hit it off immediately. We never spoke to eachother in any way other than friendly because I confided in him and told him I thought one of our friends was cute and he would just laugh and give me advice. When I eventually saw that I wouldn't get anywhere with my guy friend I told him and he then admitted that I was pretty and he liked me. That was unexpected but he wasn't bad looking, in fact he was very cute. He has hazel eyes and was white and very funny. I knew that he had a daughter and she was about 3 years old and that didn't bother me since I had a baby too. He started coming daily to my house to hang out with me and mom liked him. He soon became official and we're boyfriend and girlfriend. He lived alone and I would at times sleepover or he would sleepover. Our sex life was good nothing spectacular but satisfying. I ended up staying longer periods of time with him in his house til I moved in about a month after our relationship started. I not once used a contraceptive because I thought I wouldn't get pregnant again, the doctors told me Jeremiah was a miracle baby and my chances of having another child was slim. That revelation was heartbreaking but I was content and thankful that God gave me a chance to be a mother at least once. I remember going out with my mom and feeling exhausted and always hungry. I decided to buy a pregnancy test since my period was a few days delayed, but that was normal for me when my cycle would change so I didn't think anything of it but I wanted to make sure. When I got home I cooked Orlando dinner and took the pregnancy test before he got home from work, and sure enough 3 minutes later the test came back positive. I was confused, I didn't want a child right now and for that matter wasn't ever expecting to become pregnant. When Orlando got home he knew something was up because I was very quiet unlike me since I would jump on him the minute he would come home. So I told him I had something to tell him and I went on to tell him I was pregnant. His expression was angry and hurtful, I didn't expect him to act that way since he was always a sweetheart. We ended up having our first fight that day. I had gotten pregnant 2 months after being with him. He told me I had to get a abortion and I was hurt at first but agreed. One day as I searched for a clinic online I stopped and was thinking things over. How could I kill a innocent baby and what happened if I did and I would never again become pregnant. My mom wasn't really pleased that I became pregnant again so I told her about my idea of having a abortion in front of her friend Ruthy and they almost chewed my head off, telling me how could I even consider that and it could be a little girl and I would have the pair, a boy and girl and that did it for me. I decided to keep my baby. The next day when Orlando was at work I wrote him a letter explaining to him that I had fallen in love with him because we was so good together but I loved my baby more and I was leaving him because he wasn't being supportive with my decision. So I packed up my things and my mom picked me up and I went back home. I didn't hear for him for about 2 weeks til Christmas eve. He called me that night and told me to come over to talk, mom was hesitant telling me how about if he wanted to make sure I lost the baby and would hurt me but I knew he wasn't that kind of person, so I left to go see him. When I arrived he had his daughter with him so I felt more at ease, he sat me down and told me that he loved me and if I wanted to keep the baby he would support my decision. I was very happy finally we could move past this awkwardness and be happy. He told his daughter and she hugged me and kissed me and everything felt right again. I didn't move back in I felt it was best if I stood where I was. He then lost his job, and his apartment and I knew mom would not allow him to move in so I was helpless and he turned to the only person that would help him out, his babymother. This bitch hated me with a passion because she still had feelings for him and she was more than happy to help him and move him back in with her. I was pissed but he assured me that he was on the couch but still I was not so sure about that. I was starting to see who Orlando really was he was a heavy drinker a alcoholic but he would not become violent he would become extra happy so it didn't bother me, then he started feeling comfortable around me and started using cocaine around me and I was in shock but I loved him and acted like it didn't bother me. He was already a user but I didn't know that. His babymother would come pick him up at my house and I would go in a rage but couldn't do anything about it. Time was passing and I would see less and less of him and I knew that it was over. I found out I was having a baby girl and I was so excited, finally a baby to dress up and put bows on. He wasn't so thrilled he wanted a boy. He eventually stopped coming around and I would just bump into him at the bar next to my house and his excuse was that he was always busy. Not once did he give me money to buy the baby anything and I was doing it alone with my mom. I cried everyday throughout the pregnancy suffering from him breaking my heart. Edison would come by to pick up Jeremiah on the weekends with his girl because that's what we had settled on, weekend visitations as if he was Jeremiahs real dad. He would tell me everything will be okay and he was always there if I needed him and he made sure to always tell me that he loved me, and I would smile and say I know. I would talk to Orlando's mom on the phone such a beautiful and sweet woman and she would give me advice and told me not to depend on him. I was finding out truths that he had 3 other children in Chicago 2 boys and a girl and I was stuck on stupid. How fucking stupid was I not to find out about the real him. His daughters mom from Chicago was really nice and we became pretty close talking on the phone, she told me he was a deadbeat and I knew then that my daughter would grow up without a father. I knew I had to be strong enough for both of my babies and I would not let them down. I was soon scheduled for another C-section before my time because my blood pressure was high, I was always stressed and like I said before, HEARTBROKEN! I knew that I needed to at least let him know that she was coming the day before the C-section, so I did and he promised to be there so I took his word. I had to be at the hospital at 6 in the morning to get prepped for surgery and I was just looking at the clock and my phone and he wasn't there. It was time for my C-section and in Puerto Rico no one can be in the room but the doctors so my mom kissed my forehead and said she would be waiting for me when I got out and they took me away. I tried to stay positive saying that he was just running late and he would be outside when I had her. And on August 1, 2011 a beautiful baby girl named Kylie Rose was born weighing 7lbs 12oz and 20 inches long. I cried for the first time when I saw her, she was just perfect and so beautiful and healthy. When I got out of surgery they had brought my baby up to the nursery and I was still in the recovery room and my mom came in and told me that Kylie was gorgeous, I asked her if her father had come and she put her head down and shook her head No. I started to cry, I was angry I knew that he wouldn't come but I still had hope and faith he would do the right thing. The next day he shows up at the hospital unexpected, I was in pain and looked the part I looked horrible. He came in with his million dollar smile like if he didn't do nothing wrong. I was pissed and asked him why he didn't come and he said that he couldn't find a ride and his babymother refused to take him, and I made a mental note to beat that bitch ass once I fully healed. He asked to see Kylie but it wasn't visiting hours time but he told the nurse a lie saying he was working and they let him in to go see her. A while later he came back happy and told me that she was beautiful and tiny and looked just like him, which was painfully true she had blonde hair and gray eyes and white as milk. He told me he had to leave but that he would be back, but he never did. Now it was the day Kylie and I would go home and mommy was still weak and using a wheelchair most of the time and if she walked it would be slow. So she rolled my luggage, while I had to carry the baby in the car seat and diaper bag and was in terrible pain. We had to stop at Walmart to get Kylie formula and the ride there was horrible and bumpy and I felt like dying. I had to go inside because mom couldn't do much so I walked what felt a eternity to the store and bought what I needed. We made it home after a quick stop to get food and I was in bed resting and nursing the baby when Kiara came in the room to tell me Orlando was there. I swear I wanted to grab my brother's bat and beat him in the head but part of me was happy. When I came out his eyes was glossy, he was sweaty and smelled of alcohol and I knew he had come to my house after a sleepless night of partying to see his daughter. I allowed him to briefly carry her but watched in disgust. How can this man not love this child, she was perfect, but he didn't as I didn't see him but once more after that. I was hurt and went into a serious post partum depression and it was really bad, bad to the point I couldn't stand the sight of my daughter. I knew I loved her beyond measure and I knew I had to battle this feeling. As I was depressed I turned to t.v to pass my time and one day I was watching MTV True life: Sugar daddy, and on the show they shared a site where u can find rich men to give you allowance and take care of you, so I said fuck it and gave it a shot. And wouldn't you know I got a response the next day from a man named Ron, he was a white man 52 years old and he lived in Utah, he owned his own company and I knew that I had to jump at this opportunity and quickly. And before you know it my life was about to change....

My thoughts:
This chapter of my life, was very painful one of the most hardest too. What made everything hurt so much was that Orlando and I was great together, we hardly ever argued, always laughed etc til the day I me turned I was pregnant and everything changed. I loved him very much because I could be myself around him but after getting pregnant from him I new he was toxic and I would never be able to be with him. I suffered alot throughout the pregnancy and that caused me to have really bad post partum and for that I hate him, I stood with post partum for a year but you will learn more in Chapter 10. Thank you all for reading today's Chapter love you all very much!!! X0x0Xox0X Remember to leave a comment and follow me for daily updates and don't be afraid to share my blog!!