Chapter three: Pre-teen adventures

Hey guys!!! Welcome back again today for the second time lol...As you know today will be a continuation of yesterday's blog, and for those just tuning into my page now...HEYY thanks for joining my blog make sure to catch up from the very beginning.

So after we brought back baby kiara home from the hospital mom and I was nervous it's like we both gave birth lol that night everytime she cried we would jump up and tend to her we was actually afraid we wouldn't hear her since her cry really sounded like a kitty meow. But when I tell you this little girl came exactly when we needed her show up she had brightened both of our lives up again. Mom was working for a law firm as their secretary so I would come home shower, clean the house and cook before mom would get home after a long day of work and picking up kiara from the babysitter. This continued til she lost her job being that kiara was always hospitalized due to her asthma and ear infections. After that she found another job by 143 rd near Morris Ave for a electric company doing data entry work. That lasted quite a while and in that time mom met another man named Nelson, he was a pretty decent guy always respectful and treated me well and mom too but only one little problem he was a alcoholic and loved living off of women. As u can see mom never had good luck with men and she really did deserve to be happy but hey it is what it is.
Now I'm about 12 years old going to 13 when one night my mom received a call from my sister A. At this time she had another child a beautiful baby boy he was about to turn 2 problem was we didn't know anything about him since we hardly ever would see A. So back to that call, she had called my mom to ask if she wanted to take the little boy named Joshua. At first mom was like hell no because we were enough. But then A was saying she would have to give him up to foster care and mom felt horrible and said fine. A showed up at almost midnight with a small bag of clothes and a sleeping Joshua, layed him down, kissed his forehead and left without a tear in her eye. Now it was difficult we had to deal with a lil boy we knew nothing about and was stuck to me because I resembled my sister Lhasa so I had to stay with him all the time. I quickly became like a mother at 12, I had to go everywhere with him except school, change diapers etc. At this time I knew I had no choice but grow up to help my mom. I had so much going on I was about to enter highschool that September, I was going thru a phase that I wanted to meet and spend more time with my bio mom Cindy. I would always speak to her but I needed to know the answer to the question that I always wanted to know. I started visiting my mom at this time she was living in my grandma house, I remember being so nervous I didn't know what to tell her etc. The minute I stepped foot there I was uncomfortable, felt like I didn't fit in. My sister's was so comfortable around her being they spent alot of time with her when they could, but to me she was a stranger. My mom was clean for almost a year, she did have Aids because of the drugs I believe. So when I saw her I sort of freaked out she was so tall but so skinny, so skinny a small wouldn't fit right. I was horrified imagine I didn't really speak to her and then I found out I had to sleep with her! Oh hell no that was a no can do I was afraid of her, her appearance scared me so I did the next best thing I knew I could do, call my mom and ask her to pick me up. So I didn't stay the night my mom told me to take a cab and come home and that's what I did, I ran away from my bio mom and ran to where I felt comfy. After that experience my mom Rosemary refused for me to go because she knew that I would do the same thing again. I really needed to know her but I was a coward and couldn't handle it. On October 4 my bio mom was celebrating her birthday I remember calling her and telling her I was cutting school and she told me not to do that, school was important and she went on to telling me she got a haircut and her nails done basically she had a great time. She told me that she was taking me to six flags fright fest for my birthday and I was so excited. Three days later she went into surgery I believe and next thing you know her lungs collapsed and she died. I didn't find out til the next day when my aunt knocked on my door at about 6:30 am I was dressing for school, I found it strange but paid it no mind I wanted to hurry so my aunt could give me a ride to school lol but something wasn't right because she dragged my mom to the room. I was curious, no nosy is the word I should use. I decided to eavesdrop and I heard something about " died " so I started banging on the door and demanding to be told what was going on, my mom told me to sit, so I did what I was told. She started to cry and said " Ma, I'm so sorry but Cindy died this morning". I felt my heart hit the floor, I couldn't think, I just grabbed my cat Princess and ran to the bathroom and cried, and cried. I  was so angry and screaming how could she die and do this too me. So I did what I did best runaway from my problems, I decided to go to school even after mom told me not to go I could stay home, but I refused. I just had to get out the house I felt suffocated. I went to my friend Gladys house and broke down crying, we left and went to school but I couldn't focus so I told them I wanted permission to leave because my mom passed away and they let us go. I went to my grandma house and we cried some more. I never thought some news like that would send me over the edge but only if I knew.... A couple days later I went to her funeral, my mom took my friend Maddy with us for support, so we arrive and I walk in and I felt like everyone was looking at me. I was procrastinating in going to the casket I didn't know what to expect. I walked slowly to the casket, and I saw mom just how I pictured beautiful with her hair done like she said, makeup on point, nails done, and a velour suit and reality slapped me in the face. Here lies the woman who brought me into the world then gave me up for drugs, here lies the woman who has all the answers to my questions, and here lies the woman that had become my best friend, and she had the fucking nerve and die on me!! The tears started to fall but I was really angry more than anything. Her funeral was beautiful there was music and flowers, so many people even the damn drug addicts. I remember the song " Hero " by Mariah Carey playing and we all stood by her casket, one thing the song said was true she was a hero. She was a hero in a way that she fought all her life with addiction and she finally was clean for a year, she wasn't always around but when she was she made sure to make us smile, and whenever I needed to talk I could always depend on having her ear to listen and what made her a hero in my eyes was the fact that she gave us up because she knew we would have a better life without her.
Now after mom died, I changed, I felt cold, dark and didn't give a shit. I had just turned 13 and I was cutting school left to right, smoking weed and drinking with my boys. I was always bullied growing up and now u couldn't say shit to me because I would tear u apart. I became a new Jericka, not the good girl everyone loved and cared, I became heartless and careless, in other words numb! At this time I was hanging out getting home late, stopped listening to my mom and was being reckless. Then I meet Kenny, a guy that was 18, drug dealer, gang banger " BLOOD " to be exact. He was the sweetest thing bought me what I wanted, told me everything I needed to hear, I was with a bad boy and along with that came respect. I was 13 and loving it all, my mom found out about Kenny thru my friend Gladys mom and she told me I couldn't see him again, she didn't know what happened to me. I was rocking red flags, always high and not going to school, so when she told me that I said ok and the next day I ran away. And ofcourse I ran away to a friend's house name Candy and her mom was always high as a kite so she didn't care that I was there. I remember I was hanging with Kenny and he asked me if I was a Virgin and ofcourse I said yes, and that was all he needed to hear, we started kissing he pulled my shirt off and started sucking on my nipples, and I'm like stuck it felt good but I didn't know what to do, but I knee if I wanted to continue this lifestyle with Kenny I had to give in, and so I did. I lost my virginity at 13 years old. I can't tell u much because I don't remember because I was high when it happened and no it was nothing special. I eventually got caught by the police, was arrested and placed in a juvenile place for a week and released and went home. But that week I had time to reflect and I wanted to do better, so I stopped going to Castle Hill away from kenny, the weed, the gangs everything!  I got left back in 9th grade and mom put me in a other school September. And just when I thought I would be okay it wouldn't be and this was just the beginning....

My thoughts:
Okay so wow, I really never realized how much I went through and how naive and stupid I became just because I was hurt. And I let anger cloud my judgement but then again I was young and dumb. Looking back now I just scream at myself like omg why did u let things get to u but hey fuck it, I look at this like life lessons. I just never knew how much of lessons life would throw at me. So guys I did til 13 just because alot had happened by then and we want more for tomorrow right lol...so stay tuned tomorrow Chapter four: Adonis & Jesse will be done and that will be really good, lots of drama etc. I really hope you all are enjoying my life story and getting to know the real me. Love ya all X0x0X0x0X