Hey guys!!!
Thanks for tuning in for Chapter 4. This blog will give you more about me til the age of 15. Hope you enjoy. I fixed the issues of being able to comment so please leave a comment and share with others. As many may know today is my 27th birthday and that's not stopping me from delivering you guys with content on my vlogs.... Happy Halloween 🎃
Things were going great, I was keeping myself together being single and attending my new school. A friend of mine put me onto a phone chat to meet people and since I was always home I decided " Why not ". One day as I was chatting with people I came across a guy named Adonis AkA Donnie, this guy kept me laughing and smiling. I proceeded to telling my mom all about him and she told me to invite him over and so I did. I was nervous I didn't know what to expect I didn't know how he looked but all I knew was that I felt comfortable talking to him on the phone. He told me he had a little brother and his mom was very strict and he attended Gompers H.S... The day he was coming to meet me my nerves was everywhere I remember telling my mom " Ma, what happens if I don't like him? " And she said " Remember looks isn't everything, just see how it goes ". I remember he called me and told me he was almost there and that he had on a pink shirt on and ofcourse I told myself oh god how gay! I wasn't use to that color on my guys, I was into bad boys and bad boys never wore pink in my eyes. I patiently stood by the window waiting to get a glance of my mystery guy and finally I see him and I nearly died!!! First off he was tall about 6ft but he was fat, not sloppy but still he wasn't my taste. I told my mom please tell him I'm not here and ofcourse she said nope u attend the him. I remember locking myself in my room, pacing and thinking of a excuse but came up with none. He finally knocks on the door and mom opens and she knocks on my door and says Donnie is here. I wanted to slap her needless to say, she was suppose to be on my side geesh and here she is letting him know I was here. So I yell out " I'm coming " and took a deep breath and stepped out. The minute I saw him my mouth dropped, his weight was no longer an issue, he was drop dead gorgeous. He had beautiful curly hair, perfect shape up and eyebrows and lashes to die for, he had a butt chin that I thought was adorable and beautiful lips also my same complexion. My mom looked at me and winked and continued cooking and we went to the living room, who would've known we would have so much in common. He was a super flirt and made me feel like I was a damn model as many compliments I received from him but hey I wasn't complaining! Dinner was done, we ate and mom excused herself to the room and boy was my hormones jumping...I remember he pulled me onto his lap and we started to kiss, so intense yet so sweet. I remember I was wearing a jean skirt and a black shirt with converse, he lifted me off his lap and placed me on the couch, he got up looked around made sure no one was coming and dropped to his knees. He pulled up my shirt and started giving me kisses on my stomach, next he licked my belly ring and came to a stop, looked up to me for approval and god knows I wasn't stopping what he was doing lol...he pulled my skirt up, removed my thong and started eating away. Boy this guy had me like puddy eating and holding my mouth so no noise will escape and cause my mom to leave her room and see this scene. But just as I was about to reach heaven my mom screams and I knew I was in big trouble. I didn't know where to put my face at, I was so embarrassed and he was as red as a damn tomato. We had to sit through a lecture on how I was only 14 and he was 16 and we has to respect her house yadda, yadda...So as you would imagine that visit was over and I walked him downstairs and I remember him pushing me up the wall and kissing me like the world was about to end, and he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. We were great together, I would act like I was sleeping over my best friends house and go to his house through the fire escape. We were in love so we thought and we both ran away just roaming the streets, staying in friends house til I was like bruh I need my room and went back home. Ofcourse mom was pissed but she spoke to him and told him if he didn't want her to end our relationship to go thru things the right way. Months passed by and and he went upstate for vacation at a aunts house, and things started to change. He wouldn't call and when we finally spoke he said he didn't think he could stay in this relationship because he wanted to stay in upstate so I cried and said fine and ended things there. I was really cool with the neighbors under us Michelle & Arthur and I told them everything that happened and they told me just let it go and I was young and could do better. Arthur mentions he has a Spanish friend he was about 16 and his mom worked in the laundromat down the block. I told him I was good, guys were to tiring and I rather be alone. That wasn't really true I had a " friend " named Mia from high school and she was bisexual and we kept flirting and she would come over and we would kiss here and there, I was so upset I called her over for a sleepover and that's when my rainbow flag started to wave. Pleasures only a girl would know to give to another girl and I was sold. I loved sex with Mia but I missed being with a guy. About a month passed from breaking up with Donnie and I was walking with Arthur and he stopped at the laundromat because Michelle was doing laundry. All of a sudden he walks out with this sexy guy and I knew that had to be the guy he was talking about. He had a nice cut, nice lips and a body to die for and when he smiled his little dimples would show. We got introduced his name was Jesse and we all started to hang out daily. We would go smoke and chill get in late etc. Mom finally met this mystery guy I was hanging out with, and instantly liked him because he was such a sweetheart. Jesse one day stopped coming by and I gave up hope ever seeing him again because 2 weeks had passed and no word from him. One day I'm in my living room and I here someone screaming Jericka, Jericka!!! Jay, Jay!!! Mommy was like who the hell is calling you and we both looked out and there was Jesse with flowers and his dad. I remember running out and jumping on him and for the first time kissing, shit I could careless who was watching my man came back for me and that's all that mattered. We spoke for about 15 minutes and he told me he moved in with his dad and he had to go but he would pick me up after school. This guy had a way with words and I was buying them.Things was going good til one day I get a knock on my door, and when I opened I nearly died!!! It was DONNIE, Anger and hurt, just raw emotion took over me and I yelled and screamed at him all while he was saying sorry that he realized I'm all he wanted. At that moment the downstairs neighbors door open and ofcourse guess who walks out, my boyfriend Jesse. Jesse started asking if I was okay and who the fuck was he, so I explained and Jesse just laughed and told him " sorry man u a little to late " and kissed me. I saw the hurt all over Donnie's face and I was hurting right with him but in my book payback is a bitch and he deserved that for hurting me...only if I would've waited my life wouldn't become so fucked...keep reading... Jesse would persuade me into cutting school and hanging out in his brothers house, I started seeing the real Jesse, he was Blood and was a thug, you may be thinking isn't that what I liked? Well yea you are right I loved it. I noticed I was becoming different, I was reckless, cared about no one but him and I was ready to bang out when he was. I became best friends with his friend Jesse ( The irony ) he was cool, and reckless just like Jesse if not maybe more. My Jesse came to a point where he got kicked out of his house and mom let him stay some days and other days he stood in Arthurs house. Jesse and his friend Jesse stayed in my house mom loved his friend Jesse because he would help her and my Jesse was working full time in a deli bringing in money and food and mom was happy. One day mom found out that we had robbed some delivery guy after we pranked a delivery took the food and money and the guy got beat up badly. She told me I could no longer see Jesse but too me that was not a option, I was going to be with him like it or not, and then she told me we was moving to Puerto Rico because the streets was consuming me. So I did the next best thing plan to runaway with him. So as I told u all before we were all adopted Kiara, Joshua and myself, mom was getting a subsidy check from the city and I knew that I would take her safe with the money and plane tickets because I refused to move to Puerto Rico. And I planned it with Jesse and that's what we did. But before I continue from there I forgot to mention that Jesse had cheated on me and I forgave him which was the worse decision I made...now continue to read... One day when my mom went to pick up my little sister Kiara from school I knew my time was limited and I had to do this, so Jesse waited out back in the yard, and I threw him down the safe and I left. We didn't have the keys but I knew that I had to get in that safe in order to survive. My dumb ass never thought on how instead of convincing me to not do it he was all for it. We stopped in a mechanic shop and I told them a fake story how I lost my safe keys and if I could use some tools to crack it open and they told me sure but they doubted I would be able to do it. The word no was not in my dictionary and I keep putting a flathead screwdriver in the key slot and hammering away til the safe cracked open and in the safe was $3,000 and the tickets. I took the tickets and put them in my purse and the money and thru everything else away. We both went and got boost chirp phones, went shopping, and went to the Howard Johnson Inn by west farms. We had no Ids and I had no idea if we could pull it off, lucky for us we didn't look our age and we made up a story of just getting married and losing our Id and they bought it and we had a nice king size bed for the weekend. We ate out and hanged out. The day came when we had to check out and left we went a stayed with Jesse for 2 days and then with another friend of his, by this time we had about $1,500 left and I let him hold onto it...worst mistake I made...we found a runaway shelter for teens downtown and we decided to go together so we did. The next day he said he was gonna grab us some clothes we left at his friend Mickey house and I stood behind. He never came back. The next day I left the fucking place pissed and I went searching for him. I went to Donnie's and I friends house told her what was going on and she got her mom to let me stay. Lucky for me his friend lived near and I stalked that place everyday and nothing, it was like the world just swallowed him. I gave up and called my mom by this time she had the police looking for me and I remember she answered the phone it was like 3 am and told her where I was and she came and picked me up. Not once did she say anything, we got home she went to her room. I was terrified I knew she was planning to fuck me up or get my family to do it, but she didn't. The next day she took me too court they asked her if she wanted to press charges she said no but continued the charges on Jesse. I still had the plane tickets I gave them too her, she asked me about the money and I told her the truth Jesse left with half of it and abandoned me. All she said was good for me, at this time I was heartbroken and gave in to the move. On the low I was looking for him, showing up to places I knew I could find him, threatening his homies with a knife to their neck and nothing, no one knew nothing! I decided the week before leaving to Puerto Rico to check one last place, our friend Jesse house. I showed up and told him everything that happened he was pissed or so he acted like he was and he told me he had seen him the night before and told me to stick around he was going to come that night. So I stood waiting past my curfew, smoked some weed and relaxed and nothing no Jesse. Our friend Jesse was with like 4 other guys and said " Jay let's go smoke and come back ", I trusted this guy so I went, not knowing this was going to be the worst decision I did in my life. I remember going into a house, we smoked, and Jesse tried to kiss me and I pushed him and asked what the fuck was he doing, he told me he knew I wanted him and I smelled the alcohol in his breath and I yelled saying he was crazy. Next thing I know he pushed me on a bed pinned me down with his legs holding mine and his arms holding mine, he yells for his friends and the come in and he starts giving orders to hold me down. I get free for a minute and started beating the shit out of whoever I catches but it was 5 to 1, I knew I was defeated. I cried and begged him to not do something stupid, and there he went pulling his pants down saying " I told you once to join the family but you didn't want to to blessed in ( Referring to me joining the gang bloods ) so now I'm doing it my way and you still gonna be blessed in, I told you I needed you in my team, you so reckless, a savage how I love it " I was disgusted all this was because he wanted to bless me in a gang against my will, I spit in his face and he slapped me. One buy one the raped me, over and over again, tears falling asking God for a second chance and I promise to do right. They finally finished and walked me to the corner, Jesse gave me $20 told me to take cab home and to meet him back here again tomorrow. He walked off and I walked to the nearest stoop and broke down I felt dirty, stupid, angry, bitter etc. At this point his OG walks past me but then comes back and says why you crying? Weren't you with Jesse? Did he hurt you? So I went on and told him what happened,we was angry and promised me he will be punished but was a asshole enough to say welcome to the family. He went to the store with a sandwich, soda, a pack of cigs, 2 dutches and a dime of weed, stopped a cab and handed the cab driver cash and put me in. I knew I was in trouble for breaking curfew and I knew mom wouldn't believe me if I told her what happened so I knocked on Michelle and Arthur door they opened and saw my face and rushed me in...I told them everything and they held me and told me it will get better. They rolled my blunts and j ate and smoked and fell asleep on the couch. Next morning I go upstairs and break down crying told mommy everything and she said exactly what I knew she would say, stop lying save it take a shower and finish packing. The weekend before our move we went to Connecticut to our cousin Ossie house and it was good. But depression was slowly taking over me without knowing, and for some reason I kept thinking about My ex Jesse and how I wanted to see him just one last time and tell him thank you for hurting me and breaking me down, but it was what it was..I was leaving New York to Puerto Rico and I wasn't ready to leave the streets behind but I remembered begging god to give me a second chance and he did so I was going to go along and try to fix what I had become...
My thoughts:
Wow!! So intense just writing and having to relive those experiences and crying as I typed. I'm not going to sit here and talk about how stupid I was, I think it was very obvious, I'm not going to tell you guys I wish I never did this or that because everything I went through it has shaped me it who I am today and even though it was unfortunate it was a lesson. My advice to young teens is please don't let anyone cloud your judgement, don't let your feeling get you to do irrational things. I really wish I was able to be open with my mom and do things the right way but I didn't I made that bed and I had to lay in it. I'm not at all saying what I went through about the rape was my fault but my anger took me there instead of letting things be and because of those actions these assholes raped me. I do not for one claim their set, to me I'm not blood, and if u ask me anything about bloods I can't tell you because I don't know. So to young ladies reading this please choose your friends wisely, stay in school and forget about boys they are just trouble focus on achieving great things because you can!!
Thank you all for reading, this has had to be the most craziest of the chapter's. It was hard to write but it was good to cleanse my closet and let those memories go so others can read and if they can relate, know that they are not alone. Stay tuned to tomorrow's chapter.. Chapter Five: Puerto Rico. Love you all & see ya tomorrow X0x0X0x0X
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