Chapter Four: Adonis & Jesse

Hey guys!!!
Thanks for tuning in for Chapter 4. This blog will give you more about me til the age of 15. Hope you enjoy. I fixed the issues of being able to comment so please leave a comment and share with others. As many may know today is my 27th birthday and that's not stopping me from delivering you guys with content on my vlogs.... Happy Halloween 🎃

Things were going great, I was keeping myself together being single and attending my new school. A friend of mine put me onto a phone chat to meet people and since I was always home I decided " Why not ". One day as I was chatting with people I came across a guy named Adonis AkA Donnie, this guy kept me laughing and smiling. I proceeded to telling my mom all about him and she told me to invite him over and so I did. I was nervous I didn't know what to expect I didn't know how he looked but all I knew was that I felt comfortable talking to him on the phone. He told me he had a little brother and his mom was very strict and he attended Gompers H.S... The day he was coming to meet me my nerves was everywhere I remember telling my mom " Ma, what happens if I don't like him? " And she said " Remember looks isn't everything, just see how it goes ". I remember he called me and told me he was almost there and that he had on a pink shirt on and ofcourse I told myself oh god how gay! I wasn't use to that color on my guys, I was into bad boys and bad boys never wore pink in my eyes. I patiently stood by the window waiting to get a glance of my mystery guy and finally I see him and I nearly died!!! First off he was tall about 6ft but he was fat, not sloppy but still he wasn't my taste. I told my mom please tell him I'm not here and ofcourse she said nope u attend the him. I remember locking myself in my room, pacing and thinking of a excuse but came up with none. He finally knocks on the door and mom opens and she knocks on my door and says Donnie is here. I wanted to slap her needless to say, she was suppose to be on my side geesh and here she is letting him know I was here. So I yell out " I'm coming " and took a deep breath and stepped out. The minute I saw him my mouth dropped, his weight was no longer an issue, he was drop dead gorgeous. He had beautiful curly hair, perfect shape up and eyebrows and lashes to die for, he had a butt chin that I thought was adorable and beautiful lips also my same complexion. My mom looked at me and winked and continued cooking and we went to the living room, who would've known we would have so much in common. He was a super flirt and made me feel like I was a damn model as many compliments I received from him but hey I wasn't complaining! Dinner was done, we ate and mom excused herself to the room and boy was my hormones jumping...I remember he pulled me onto his lap and we started to kiss, so intense yet so sweet. I remember I was wearing a jean skirt and a black shirt with converse, he lifted me off his lap and placed me on the couch, he got up looked around made sure no one was coming and dropped to his knees. He pulled up my shirt and started giving me kisses on my stomach, next he licked my belly ring and came to a stop, looked up to me for approval and god knows I wasn't stopping what he was doing lol...he pulled my skirt up, removed my thong and started eating away. Boy this guy had me like puddy eating and holding my mouth so no noise will escape and cause my mom to leave her room and see this scene. But just as I was about to reach heaven my mom screams and I knew I was in big trouble. I didn't know where to put my face at, I was so embarrassed and he was as red as a damn tomato. We had to sit through a lecture on how I was only 14 and he was 16 and we has to respect her house yadda, yadda...So as you would imagine that visit was over and I walked him downstairs and I remember him pushing me up the wall and kissing me like the world was about to end, and he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. We were great together, I would act like I was sleeping over my best friends house and go to his house through the fire escape. We were in love so we thought and we both ran away just roaming the streets, staying in friends house til I was like bruh I need my room and went back home. Ofcourse mom was pissed but she spoke to him and told him if he didn't want her to end our relationship to go thru things the right way. Months passed by and and he went upstate for vacation at a aunts house, and things started to change. He wouldn't call and when we finally spoke he said he didn't think he could stay in this relationship because he wanted to stay in upstate so I cried and said fine and ended things there. I was really cool with the neighbors under us Michelle & Arthur and I told them everything that happened and they told me just let it go and I was young and could do better. Arthur mentions he has a Spanish friend he was about 16 and his mom worked in the laundromat down the block. I told him I was good, guys were to tiring and I rather be alone. That wasn't really true I had a " friend " named Mia from high school and she was bisexual and we kept flirting and she would come over and we would kiss here and there, I was so upset I called her over for a sleepover and that's when my rainbow flag started to wave. Pleasures only a girl would know to give to another girl and I was sold. I loved sex with Mia but I missed being with a guy. About a month passed from breaking up with Donnie and I was walking with Arthur and he stopped at the laundromat because Michelle was doing laundry. All of a sudden he walks out with this sexy guy and I knew that had to be the guy he was talking about. He had a nice cut, nice lips and a body to die for and when he smiled his little dimples would show. We got introduced his name was Jesse and we all started to hang out daily. We would go smoke and chill get in late etc. Mom finally met this mystery guy I was hanging out with, and instantly liked him because he was such a sweetheart. Jesse one day stopped coming by and I gave up hope ever seeing him again because 2 weeks had passed and no word from him. One day I'm in my living room and I here someone screaming Jericka, Jericka!!! Jay, Jay!!! Mommy was like who the hell is calling you and we both looked out and there was Jesse with flowers and his dad. I remember running out and jumping on him and for the first time kissing, shit I could careless who was watching my man came back for me and that's all that mattered. We spoke for about 15 minutes and he told me he moved in with his dad and he had to go but he would pick me up after school. This guy had a way with words and I was buying them.Things was going good til one day I get a knock on my door, and when I opened I nearly died!!! It was DONNIE, Anger and hurt, just raw emotion took over me and I yelled and screamed at him all while he was saying sorry that he realized I'm all he wanted. At that moment the downstairs neighbors door open and ofcourse guess who walks out, my boyfriend Jesse. Jesse started asking if I was okay and who the fuck was he, so I explained and Jesse just laughed and told him " sorry man u a little to late " and kissed me. I saw the hurt all over Donnie's face and I was hurting right with him but in my book payback is a bitch and he deserved that for hurting me...only if I would've waited my life wouldn't become so fucked...keep reading... Jesse would persuade me into cutting school and hanging out in his brothers house, I started seeing the real Jesse, he was Blood and was a thug, you may be thinking isn't that what I liked? Well yea you are right I loved it. I noticed I was becoming different, I was reckless, cared about no one but him and I was ready to bang out when he was. I became best friends with his friend Jesse ( The irony ) he was cool, and reckless just like Jesse if not maybe more. My Jesse came to a point where he got kicked out of his house and mom let him stay some days and other days he stood in Arthurs house. Jesse and his friend Jesse  stayed in my house mom loved his friend Jesse because he would help her and my Jesse was working full time in a deli bringing in money and food and mom was happy. One day mom found out that we had robbed some delivery guy after we pranked a delivery took the food and money and the guy got beat up badly. She told me I could no longer see Jesse but too me that was not a option, I was going to be with him like it or not, and then she told me we was moving to Puerto Rico because the streets was consuming me. So I did the next best thing plan to runaway with him. So as I told u all before we were all adopted Kiara, Joshua and myself, mom was getting a subsidy check from the city and I knew that I would take her safe with the money and plane tickets because I refused to move to Puerto Rico. And I planned it with Jesse and that's what we did. But before I continue from there I forgot to mention that Jesse had cheated on me and I forgave him which was the worse decision I made...now continue to read... One day when my mom went to pick up my little sister Kiara from school I knew my time was limited and I had to do this, so Jesse waited out back in the yard, and I threw him down the safe and I left. We didn't have the keys but I knew that I had to get in that safe in order to survive. My dumb ass never thought on how instead of convincing me to not do it he was all for it. We stopped in a mechanic shop and I told them a fake story how I lost my safe keys and if I could use some tools to crack it open and they told me sure but they doubted I would be able to do it. The word no was not in my dictionary and I keep putting a flathead screwdriver in the key slot and hammering away til the safe cracked open and in the safe was $3,000 and the tickets. I took the tickets and put them in my purse and the money and thru everything else away. We both went and got boost chirp phones, went shopping, and went to the Howard Johnson Inn by west farms. We had no Ids and I had no idea if we could pull it off, lucky for us we didn't look our age and we made up a story of just getting married and losing our Id and they bought it and we had a nice king size bed for the weekend. We ate out and hanged out. The day came when we had to check out and left we went a stayed with Jesse for 2 days and then with another friend of his, by this time we had about $1,500 left and I let him hold onto it...worst mistake I made...we found a runaway shelter for teens downtown and we decided to go together so we did. The next day he said he was gonna grab us some clothes we left at his friend Mickey house and I stood behind. He never came back. The next day I left the fucking place pissed and I went searching for him. I went to Donnie's and I friends house told her what was going on and she got her mom to let me stay. Lucky for me his friend lived near and I stalked that place everyday and nothing, it was like the world just swallowed him. I gave up and called my mom by this time she had the police looking for me and I remember she answered the phone it was like 3 am and told her where I was and she came and picked me up. Not once did she say anything, we got home she went to her room. I was terrified I knew she was planning to fuck me up or get my family to do it, but she didn't. The next day she took me too court they asked her if she wanted to press charges she said no but continued the charges on Jesse. I still had the plane tickets I gave them too her, she asked me about the money and I told her the truth Jesse left with half of it and abandoned me. All she said was good for me, at this time I was heartbroken and gave in to the move. On the low I was looking for him, showing up to places I knew I could find him, threatening his homies with a knife to their neck and nothing, no one knew nothing! I decided the week before leaving to Puerto Rico to check one last place, our friend Jesse house. I showed up and told him everything that happened he was pissed or so he acted like he was and he told me he had seen him the night before and told me to stick around he was going to come that night. So I stood waiting past my curfew, smoked some weed and relaxed and nothing no Jesse. Our friend Jesse was with like 4 other guys and said " Jay let's go smoke and come back ", I trusted this guy so I went, not knowing this was going to be the worst decision I did in my life. I remember going into a house, we smoked, and Jesse tried to kiss me and I pushed him and asked what the fuck was he doing, he told me he knew I wanted him and I smelled the alcohol in his breath and I yelled saying he was crazy. Next thing I know he pushed me on a bed pinned me down with his legs holding mine and his arms holding mine, he yells for his friends and the come in and he starts giving orders to hold me down. I get free for a minute and started beating the shit out of whoever I catches but it was 5 to 1, I knew I was defeated. I cried and begged him to not do something stupid, and there he went pulling his pants down saying " I told you once to join the family but you didn't want to to blessed in ( Referring to me joining the gang bloods ) so now I'm doing it my way and you still gonna be blessed in, I told you I needed you in my team, you so reckless, a savage how I love it " I was disgusted all this was because he wanted to bless me in a gang against my will, I spit in his face and he slapped me. One buy one the raped me, over and over again, tears falling asking God for a second chance and I promise to do right. They finally finished and walked me to the corner, Jesse gave me $20 told me to take cab home and to meet him back here again tomorrow. He walked off and I walked to the nearest stoop and broke down I felt dirty, stupid, angry, bitter etc. At this point his OG walks past me but then comes back and says why you crying? Weren't you with Jesse? Did he hurt you? So I went on and told him what happened,we was angry and promised me he will be punished but was a asshole enough to say welcome to the family. He went to the store with a sandwich, soda, a pack of cigs, 2 dutches and a dime of weed, stopped a cab and handed the cab driver cash and put me in. I knew I was in trouble for breaking curfew and I knew mom wouldn't believe me if I told her what happened so I knocked on Michelle and Arthur door they opened and saw my face and rushed me in...I told them everything and they held me and told me it will get better. They rolled my blunts and j ate and smoked and fell asleep on the couch. Next morning I go upstairs and break down crying told mommy everything and she said exactly what I knew she would say, stop lying save it take a shower and finish packing. The weekend before our move we went to Connecticut to our cousin Ossie house and it was good. But depression was slowly taking over me without knowing, and for some reason I kept thinking about My ex Jesse and how I wanted to see him just one last time and tell him thank you for hurting me and breaking me down, but it was what it was..I was leaving New York to Puerto Rico and I wasn't ready to leave the streets behind but I remembered begging god to give me a second chance and he did so I was going to go along and try to fix what I had become...

My thoughts:
Wow!! So intense just writing and having to relive those experiences and crying as I typed. I'm not going to sit here and talk about how stupid I was, I think it was very obvious, I'm not going to tell you guys I wish I never did this or that because everything I went through it has shaped me it who I am today and even though it was unfortunate it was a lesson. My advice to young teens is please don't let anyone cloud your judgement, don't let your feeling get you to do irrational things. I really wish I was able to be open with my mom and do things the right way but I didn't I made that bed and I had to lay in it. I'm not at all saying what I went through about the rape was my fault but my anger took me there instead of letting things be and because of those actions these assholes raped me. I do not for one claim their set, to me I'm not blood,  and if u ask me anything about bloods I can't tell you because I don't know. So to young ladies reading this please choose your friends wisely, stay in school and forget about boys they are just trouble focus on achieving great things because you can!!

Thank you all for reading, this has had to be the most craziest of the chapter's. It was hard to write but it was good to cleanse my closet and let those memories go so others can read and if they can relate, know that they are not alone. Stay tuned to tomorrow's chapter.. Chapter Five: Puerto Rico. Love you all & see ya tomorrow X0x0X0x0X

Chapter three: Pre-teen adventures

Hey guys!!! Welcome back again today for the second time lol...As you know today will be a continuation of yesterday's blog, and for those just tuning into my page now...HEYY thanks for joining my blog make sure to catch up from the very beginning.

So after we brought back baby kiara home from the hospital mom and I was nervous it's like we both gave birth lol that night everytime she cried we would jump up and tend to her we was actually afraid we wouldn't hear her since her cry really sounded like a kitty meow. But when I tell you this little girl came exactly when we needed her show up she had brightened both of our lives up again. Mom was working for a law firm as their secretary so I would come home shower, clean the house and cook before mom would get home after a long day of work and picking up kiara from the babysitter. This continued til she lost her job being that kiara was always hospitalized due to her asthma and ear infections. After that she found another job by 143 rd near Morris Ave for a electric company doing data entry work. That lasted quite a while and in that time mom met another man named Nelson, he was a pretty decent guy always respectful and treated me well and mom too but only one little problem he was a alcoholic and loved living off of women. As u can see mom never had good luck with men and she really did deserve to be happy but hey it is what it is.
Now I'm about 12 years old going to 13 when one night my mom received a call from my sister A. At this time she had another child a beautiful baby boy he was about to turn 2 problem was we didn't know anything about him since we hardly ever would see A. So back to that call, she had called my mom to ask if she wanted to take the little boy named Joshua. At first mom was like hell no because we were enough. But then A was saying she would have to give him up to foster care and mom felt horrible and said fine. A showed up at almost midnight with a small bag of clothes and a sleeping Joshua, layed him down, kissed his forehead and left without a tear in her eye. Now it was difficult we had to deal with a lil boy we knew nothing about and was stuck to me because I resembled my sister Lhasa so I had to stay with him all the time. I quickly became like a mother at 12, I had to go everywhere with him except school, change diapers etc. At this time I knew I had no choice but grow up to help my mom. I had so much going on I was about to enter highschool that September, I was going thru a phase that I wanted to meet and spend more time with my bio mom Cindy. I would always speak to her but I needed to know the answer to the question that I always wanted to know. I started visiting my mom at this time she was living in my grandma house, I remember being so nervous I didn't know what to tell her etc. The minute I stepped foot there I was uncomfortable, felt like I didn't fit in. My sister's was so comfortable around her being they spent alot of time with her when they could, but to me she was a stranger. My mom was clean for almost a year, she did have Aids because of the drugs I believe. So when I saw her I sort of freaked out she was so tall but so skinny, so skinny a small wouldn't fit right. I was horrified imagine I didn't really speak to her and then I found out I had to sleep with her! Oh hell no that was a no can do I was afraid of her, her appearance scared me so I did the next best thing I knew I could do, call my mom and ask her to pick me up. So I didn't stay the night my mom told me to take a cab and come home and that's what I did, I ran away from my bio mom and ran to where I felt comfy. After that experience my mom Rosemary refused for me to go because she knew that I would do the same thing again. I really needed to know her but I was a coward and couldn't handle it. On October 4 my bio mom was celebrating her birthday I remember calling her and telling her I was cutting school and she told me not to do that, school was important and she went on to telling me she got a haircut and her nails done basically she had a great time. She told me that she was taking me to six flags fright fest for my birthday and I was so excited. Three days later she went into surgery I believe and next thing you know her lungs collapsed and she died. I didn't find out til the next day when my aunt knocked on my door at about 6:30 am I was dressing for school, I found it strange but paid it no mind I wanted to hurry so my aunt could give me a ride to school lol but something wasn't right because she dragged my mom to the room. I was curious, no nosy is the word I should use. I decided to eavesdrop and I heard something about " died " so I started banging on the door and demanding to be told what was going on, my mom told me to sit, so I did what I was told. She started to cry and said " Ma, I'm so sorry but Cindy died this morning". I felt my heart hit the floor, I couldn't think, I just grabbed my cat Princess and ran to the bathroom and cried, and cried. I  was so angry and screaming how could she die and do this too me. So I did what I did best runaway from my problems, I decided to go to school even after mom told me not to go I could stay home, but I refused. I just had to get out the house I felt suffocated. I went to my friend Gladys house and broke down crying, we left and went to school but I couldn't focus so I told them I wanted permission to leave because my mom passed away and they let us go. I went to my grandma house and we cried some more. I never thought some news like that would send me over the edge but only if I knew.... A couple days later I went to her funeral, my mom took my friend Maddy with us for support, so we arrive and I walk in and I felt like everyone was looking at me. I was procrastinating in going to the casket I didn't know what to expect. I walked slowly to the casket, and I saw mom just how I pictured beautiful with her hair done like she said, makeup on point, nails done, and a velour suit and reality slapped me in the face. Here lies the woman who brought me into the world then gave me up for drugs, here lies the woman who has all the answers to my questions, and here lies the woman that had become my best friend, and she had the fucking nerve and die on me!! The tears started to fall but I was really angry more than anything. Her funeral was beautiful there was music and flowers, so many people even the damn drug addicts. I remember the song " Hero " by Mariah Carey playing and we all stood by her casket, one thing the song said was true she was a hero. She was a hero in a way that she fought all her life with addiction and she finally was clean for a year, she wasn't always around but when she was she made sure to make us smile, and whenever I needed to talk I could always depend on having her ear to listen and what made her a hero in my eyes was the fact that she gave us up because she knew we would have a better life without her.
Now after mom died, I changed, I felt cold, dark and didn't give a shit. I had just turned 13 and I was cutting school left to right, smoking weed and drinking with my boys. I was always bullied growing up and now u couldn't say shit to me because I would tear u apart. I became a new Jericka, not the good girl everyone loved and cared, I became heartless and careless, in other words numb! At this time I was hanging out getting home late, stopped listening to my mom and was being reckless. Then I meet Kenny, a guy that was 18, drug dealer, gang banger " BLOOD " to be exact. He was the sweetest thing bought me what I wanted, told me everything I needed to hear, I was with a bad boy and along with that came respect. I was 13 and loving it all, my mom found out about Kenny thru my friend Gladys mom and she told me I couldn't see him again, she didn't know what happened to me. I was rocking red flags, always high and not going to school, so when she told me that I said ok and the next day I ran away. And ofcourse I ran away to a friend's house name Candy and her mom was always high as a kite so she didn't care that I was there. I remember I was hanging with Kenny and he asked me if I was a Virgin and ofcourse I said yes, and that was all he needed to hear, we started kissing he pulled my shirt off and started sucking on my nipples, and I'm like stuck it felt good but I didn't know what to do, but I knee if I wanted to continue this lifestyle with Kenny I had to give in, and so I did. I lost my virginity at 13 years old. I can't tell u much because I don't remember because I was high when it happened and no it was nothing special. I eventually got caught by the police, was arrested and placed in a juvenile place for a week and released and went home. But that week I had time to reflect and I wanted to do better, so I stopped going to Castle Hill away from kenny, the weed, the gangs everything!  I got left back in 9th grade and mom put me in a other school September. And just when I thought I would be okay it wouldn't be and this was just the beginning....

My thoughts:
Okay so wow, I really never realized how much I went through and how naive and stupid I became just because I was hurt. And I let anger cloud my judgement but then again I was young and dumb. Looking back now I just scream at myself like omg why did u let things get to u but hey fuck it, I look at this like life lessons. I just never knew how much of lessons life would throw at me. So guys I did til 13 just because alot had happened by then and we want more for tomorrow right lol...so stay tuned tomorrow Chapter four: Adonis & Jesse will be done and that will be really good, lots of drama etc. I really hope you all are enjoying my life story and getting to know the real me. Love ya all X0x0X0x0X

Fantasy & DESIRES: My top 3 favorite positions & does size matter...🤔

Hey my loves!!!! So we already know what time it is it's grown and sexy time lol sex talk Sunday's is in full effect today and today we gonna be talking about My favorite 3 positions and why 😉 and does size matter!! It's going to be crazy and I am stepping out of my comfort zone but fuck it...let's go!!!

Okay guys so let's get into it...

1. Doggy style-
One of the most common and overlooked position. I've heard many men and women complain that it's the wackest position but let me school you all real quick. First off one of ya ain't doing it right apparently because it's the best position if you ask me. This position benefits a man with a small dick because with this position u can give her the best 3 inches ever lmfaoooo and not disappoint but please if you are small don't go for a big booty girl because you will be the laugh of the night. Any who I love this position on a bed both arms over your head, back arched and in a waiting position waiting to feel the tip penetrate and feel that man touch your soul. You can also try and grabbing onto your ankles while standing on a floor and have your man insert there dick from this angle and I can guarantee that you will be in sensual heaven bliss because he will be touching that g-spot. Why is this my favorite position you may ask, we'll I'm a big girl with lots of booty and I'm the type of girl that want to feel every inch in me and this has shown to be amazing.

2. Girl on top-
Oh my!! I love, love this position...this position gives us women the control on that dick and who doesn't like control. We get to control the speed, the depth and our own pleasure and not to mention the men love the view. I know many women that are plus size and don't engage in this position because they are self concious of their appearance which ladies let me stop you right there. First off if you are comfortable enough to let a man see you naked and open your legs to fuck then you should not feel ashamed to get on top. Fuck being big there is just more to love and men hold on to lol. Just get on there and slowly slide down on that dick and become your own porn star and move like the world's going to end. Rough, slow don't matter do what pleases eachother.

3. 69-
Now this right here is my ultimate favorite. Not only are you getting your pussy eaten you can suck his dick and see who is going to stop first because they can't focus or control their desires. In this position you can do it in a million different ways. Fellas when ya going down on ya girl, eat like you hungry when you hear her scream stop continue and if u want to get real dirty eat and finger her 2 to 3 fingers, shit we have freaky bitches that want more than that but I'm content with 3 lol just eat and finger and if you lucky, you just make her squirt and that's a bonus. I am a squirter but only if I let go and my man is aiming for that. Remember squirt in isn't for everybody but it's not impossible to accomplish. Now ladies when u getting eaten out without mercy you might be unable to focus but know we have that power as well start by flicking your tongue over the tip and swirl around, lick up and down and massage his balls while doing this and without notice put him in your mouth and if you are talented enough swallow him whole and try humming the sensation is amazing for the man and hearing them moan and stop what they doing because they can't control the pleasure is the best. Don't be afraid to try different things to excite this position, try butt plugs, mints, ice, vibrators etc and have fun.

There you go my top 3 positions...tell me what are ya favorite positions and why I would love to hear about them.

Next topic up for discussion is Does size matter? And the answer is very simple...HELL THE FUCK IT DO!!!! But that's just my opinion. I've had my fine share of dick in life so I would know. Many men will swear up and down that they have a big dick and they are liars or just are blind lol. But guys if you have a small dick just know how to move it or if u know u are way to small I just really hope you know how to eat pussy or finger well I'm just saying because if you don't then you just are fucked lol. But then we have the men that have huge dick but can't move for shit and that's just sad. How did God bless you with such a amazing tool and you can't work it at all smh so sad. So like I said size matters to me I love me a nice fat dick and a man that is dominant and secure of himself those are the best because you will never be unsatisfied...shit I can't complain I married something special lol...

So there you go here is our first sex talk Sunday discussion don't be afraid and tell me your favorite positions and if size matters to you or not...stay tuned for next week's discussion 😍 love you all X0x0Xox0X

Chapter Two: My early childhood ( Age 1-10)

Hey guys!!! I want to start off thanking everyone who is following up this this mini series of my life story. Enjoy Chapter 2 and remember tomorrow is sex talk Sunday's and Chapter 3.

I remember as a child knowing who my daddy was and having a titi that I would see here and there but what I didn't know was that she was really my bio mom Cindy, I remember her picking me up and my siblings and take us for a walk and they would call her mom but I was the only one calling her titi, but I never found it strange til one day my sister A told me I was adopted and titi Cindy was actually my mom, I never even bothered to ask my mom because in the end I didn't care because she was my mom and I loved her no less. When I turned 5 she told me and I told her I already knew and I didn't care I remember how she smiled and hugged me so tight and she told me over and over I love you. I was a pretty shy and quiet child growing up, use to being alone being I was the only child. I was also very spoiled and got everything but if I behaved which I always did. My mom Rosemary started a relationship with the only other man that I considered my father his name was Fernando. He was amazing spoiled me and loved me just as if I was his. By the time I turned 4 they had broken up and it tore me up because my daddy was no longer going to be home with us. Like I previously mentioned I always knew who my father was, that part of the family I knew very well. I was very close growing up to my paternal grandma Rosa...Oh man that woman was incredible. She would spoil all of us rotten, when we would sleepover we all got baby bottles with hot milk and sugar no matter what age we were. My grandma was very comical she would sit in her rocking chair and my mom would call me yelling and my grandma would be acting dead and I would try to wake her and she would jump out at me to scare me and I use to hate that kind of game I always felt that she shouldn't play like that. Well on April 27,1995 my grandma had called my mom and told her to come over she wasn't feeling well and wanted mommy to make her a soup so my mom picked up my titi Yvonne and cousin to do what they always did hang out at grandma's. I remember clear as day that my cousin and I were playing in the bathroom with a water gun and I heard my mom screaming at the top of her lungs Help! So ofcourse  I had to go see what was going on, as I walked in the living room I saw my grandma faking her death again so I was like ugh whatever but mommy screamed and I saw her punching grandma in the chest and grandma would come back to life. The minute I saw tears in her eyes I knew that my favorite grandma wasn't playing and it was actually happening. I remember running with my sister's to get my dad at his favorite spot " The block " I can't tell u what my sister was saying but I remember rushing back home and seen that grandma was now pale and mommy was still punching her back because that was the only way she would come back. The ambulance showed up about half hour too late, we all knew she was gone but didn't want to believe it and at Lincoln hospital she was declared dead. She died of a massive heart attack and the percentage of survival are slim. On that day a piece of my heart was taken away. I became less talkative, in school I would draw 2 caskets one of my grandma and one for me, that's when I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 5. I didn't cry or mourn her death til a month after she was gone, I was to small to understand that she was in heaven . I had to undergo a year of intensive therapy and I got somewhat better. As months went by my mom was suffering badly, she went out dancing one night and met a man his name was Martin Campusano a name I can't forget even if I tried. She was very happy, she looked happy again and not much time went pass and they got married in Bronx court house. I remember he was heavy into Santeria which is in other words voodoo. Mom discovered it one day when she was sweeping and mopping she knocked a liquid down. I can't tell u what exactly was in the cup but the shit stunk badly in the cup my mom found her hair and a picture of them both, I'm pretty sure it must of been something to keep them together. But even after this discovery they stood together. I can tell u I was never fond of him, I hated him and I needed my daddy fernando back. Now I'm 8 years old, a beautiful chunky girl with hair past her back, One night I felt strange and woke up to find Martin on his knees by my bed and my panties at my knees, as I went to scream he placed his hands on my mouth and quietly said this " Si gritas, o hablas de esto con tu mami o otra persona te mato tu mama y a tu abuelo ", Now translating in english he said if I screamed or told my mom about this he would kill her and my grandpa. Now I'm afraid of going to sleep or being in my own home. I was getting molested almost every night and I would cry silently, hoping that death would put me out this misery but I would never tell anyone because I didn't want my family to get hurt. One day while I slept he came to do his night routine touch my privates and jerk his dick til he came in his hand and kiss me on my forehead but this night would be different I would be saved from this torture. My mom came out quietly from the room because she didn't see Martin in bed and she caught him on his knees with my panties down while I was asleep. My mom had a big glass ashtray that was very heavy and she grabbed it and cracked his head open and told him to leave. I don't know why she never called the police. Soon after one of them filed for divorce and he later fled to the Dominican Republic. Once again I had to go through intensive therapy because I became very depressed. When I was 10, My sister A had a baby prematurely at 6 months pregnant she was born 1lb 14 oz, she had a brain leakage and her lungs had collapsed. She stood in the hospital for 5 months. My sister was young and dumb, and couldn't care for her so she asked my mom if she was willing to take her til she got on her feet and my mom said yes that way I wouldn't be the only child. Omg I was so happy when mommy picked her up fresh out the hospital at this point she was the size of a normal newborn baby at 5 months old, and her name was Kiara. Only if I knew, that my life wasn't going to get better only worse from that point on....


My thoughts: 
As I wrote this Chapter I was overwhelmed with feelings this is the first time I would let the world know the true, raw me but I had to do it. I wanted everyone to know that behind today's smile is story. As I re-read what I wrote I just can smh on how naive I was in believing lies. I also see how a loved ones death affected me to my core. But behind all of that I am now a strong woman. I know on yesterday's blog I said I would write from age 1 thru 5 but I decided to do til I was 10 because now is when the drama begins. Thank u for reading and don't be afraid to leave a comment. Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog from age 10 to 15. Love you all....X0x0X0x0X

Chapter One: My first year

Hey guys!!!
Before I start with chapter one of Pieces of me... I want everyone to know, family & friends that this is my story and how I was told. There may be some disagreement with some but please have some respect as this is MY life story. I also want to note that there will be explicit language and some sensitive topics. Now here is Jericka's real story.

I never knew much about the start of my parents relationship, or how did they meet everything I know was because either my adoptive mom ( Aunt ), siblings or family told me. 
My parents names were James & Cynthia, they were born in New York City. They were born in the era of drugs and chaos. From what I know my mother dated my dad when he was 26 years old. In that time my mother was his first girlfriend and took his virginity away. He fell in love. My mother brought a beautiful little girl into the relationship which is my oldest sister E. I will not use there names because I want to protect there identity and also because I have not asked them for permission to include their names into my story. Together they had 5 children and I was the youngest. At this point my parents was heavy into drugs, all of us were positive tox babies. I was brought into the world on October 31,1989. I do not know how much I weighed or measured. My mother Cynthia took care of me til I was 3 months old. One day she came by to visit my grandmother, her mother, she asked my grandmother for $20 to get some chinese food and left to never return for me. My grandmother at the time was raising 3 of my siblings and my father's mother was raising my sister. Disappointment fell upon my family because now another child was left behind due to her addiction. My grandmother had to many of us and the administration of children services asked her if she would take me in but they would not pay her for my care, and she refused to take me but held onto me til placement would come into place. She contacted my father's mother and asked her if she would take me and she said she couldn't because she had my sister A and her health wasn't great, but she quickly remembered that her only daughter Rosemary couldn't have children and would possibly take me. My grandmother proceeded to call her daughter and begged her to please take me or else I would get lost in the foster care system, she was kind of reluctant at first because she had a great job and was living life in her flirty thirties. But guess what she decided to take me. My aunt Rosemary came and got me and I once again had a mother. ( Now when I refer to her now I will say mom and if I'm talking about my biological mother I'll say mommy cindy ) Mom told me I was the fattest and cutest little baby she ever seen but when she first took me in I had bad withdraws meaning shakes and crying because my little body missed the drugs that my bio mother used to take...anyway it took her about three months before she fell in love with me and her maternal instincts kicked in. In pictures I saw how beautiful she dressed me and I could see the love she had for me...

My thoughts:

As I sit here and think about the story that I was told I can genuinely say that I'm no longer upset or hurt about the situation. If u would've asked me years ago how I felt I would've told you I was hurt, angry confused. But now as a mother and a woman I can say that I forgive my biological mother cindy for leaving me. Many do not understand that addiction is a illness and she did what she thought was right and wanted me to have a better life, now how she went about it was wrong but we are all human and we make mistakes and I'm aware of that. What she should've done was get help and get her children back but wouldve, could've or should've don't matter because it's in the past and it happened. Now many will ask how I feel about my grandmother Ana after she refused to take me because of a check but I know there is more to that she had my 3 siblings and 2 other foster children I believe and that was going to be to much for her. I was hurt but I got over it because thanks to her I had a wonderful mom and was raised fairly well...There is times that I do wonder how life would've been if I would have stood with my bio mom and honestly I would have been a complete mess. 
Now for tomorrow's blog I will be going into my life from 1 to 5 years old. Alot to tell and more that explains the real me so stay tuned. Love you all and thank you for reading today's chapter feel free to leave comments. X0x0X0x0X

What my blog is about...

Hey everyone! My name is Jericka, many may have fell opon my blog or I have shared my link with friends or even came from my YouTube channel Cosmeticstar89. Well I always have loved reading and writing, and have decided to use my passion to share bits and pieces of my life with you all. I have many reasons to share these things with you all and here they are:

1. I want my subscribers, friends and people to know the real me in depth to bring a close connection between us.
2. I believe that everything I have gone through in my 26 years of life is to be shared, so others can have someone they possibly can relate to or just so they don't commit the same mistakes I have.
3. Another important reason is because I want to be able to help others with similar life experiences and be able to give advices to those that need them.
4. My last and most important reason is because I have depression and sharing my life with others through blogging is like writing a open diary for all to read and therapy for myself through self expression.

As you all may see my blog's main title is called "Pieces of Me..". Everyday I will post 1 to 2 chapters of my life with everyone and then a what do I think portion after. On some days I'll have a random blog and you will see the title like this for example: " Random: My thoughts on 2016 elections". On Sunday's I will post Sex talk Sunday's, hey the title says it all, just some grown talk anywhere from tips to advice etc.

Well back to the good stuff...lol...
So let me re-introduce myself my name is Jericka.  I am happily married to my husband Fernando. We have 5 beautiful children: Adrianna ( 8 yrs old ), Jeremiah ( 6 yrs old ), Kylie ( 5 yrs old ), Xavier ( 3 yrs old ), and Victoria ( 6 months ) and I am also have custody of my brother and sister ( Through adoption.. ) Joshua & Kiara ( 16 & 17 yrs old ). I have 3 biological sister's and 1 brother, like I said the chapter's of my life will bring everything in to focus and you will understand soon. My birthday is October 31, 1989, YEAH I'M A SCORPIO!! I am a lover not a fighter, I love food lol, I'm a hopeless romantic, and I love love make-up. My favorite colors are Purple, red, black, and white. My favorite 2 seasons are Spring and Fall. My favorite holiday's are Thanksgiving and Christmas. 

Well tomorrow I start chapter one of my pieces of me, and I want to thank you all from now for following, subscribing to my YouTube channel and reading my blogs... Love you all!!! X0x0X0x0X